When a man loves a woman very, very much, he takes her to a basic gas station or car wash...
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
The Eye Test
| Deep Down You Are Intuitive |
 You can tell so much from someone's facial expressions or tone of voice. And you always know when you're being lied to. You show the world exactly what you want to show. Besides being good at reading people, you also know how you're being read. You know when you're being manipulated, and you know how to manipulate someone if you have to. You usually don't resort to it though! |
Monday, November 18, 2013
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from our local Target.
Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samsel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he would invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called..
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least:
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
**************************
Thursday, November 14, 2013
The Cup Monster cometh
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
From G-Ma to Jess
I was cruising down the Boulevard (big ol' Main Street here in Salamanca but doesn't 'The Boulevard' sound cooler?)when this song came on. Made me immediately think of my oldest granddaughter, Jessie.
Lorde-Royals
Monday, November 4, 2013
Make Snow Flake
| Labels: Make Snowflake, Popular front
This is really cool. I had it on my first blog 2 years ago. You can make a snowflake and attach a message. You can then see your snowflake and other people's snowflakes. I even had my Mom doing it last year. She thought it was so cute till somebody wrote, "Hey, wanna see me naked?" She wasn't into to snowflakes anymore, after that.Check it out, it's pretty nifty!
Bureau of Communication
Words, are that meaningful element of speech. They may be highly treasured, valuable beyond measure. Nonetheless, they always present themselves as a double edged sword.
You can soothe and heal with them. They can be an everlasting comfort. And often enough we hold on to them for dear life. They are the very glue that builds a relationship, the ties that bind. Words are at the forefront of every good relationship.
In the dark of night, they might tame and soothe the savage beast, believed to be in the closet or under the bed. Those whispered promises of undying and enduring love might spur and fuel a fella to face all the bad the world spits in his face. All for the love, the words of a woman.
When he tells you, after 10 years of marriage that you unequivocally trip his trigger, you still make it happen with fireworks and the lot, that utterance puts a spring in your step. Often without realization these locutions are designed to be played over & over in our heads. We must be responsible with how and what we say, good & bad.
On the flip side, in contrast, words have the ability to annihilate, spread hate and once it is said, there's no turning back, no recovery, no do-over. *This is one of the most unfortunate lessons we must learn.
You should always think before you say, especially in the heat of the moment. Quite often we go in for that blow that hits below the belt, stings beyond redemption. We'll cut to the quick, be quick to cut and all around make sure that it's us that draws first blood first.
I must say, I do firmly believe we do not say even half of what needs to be said to one another even within the scope of our own lifetime. And guess what? You only get one go round. You're not promised tomorrow. You will not live forever. But words do, remember this, written or remembered words do!!
This kind of helps with that. My own Mantra is...
"I say what I mean, mean what I say and try not to say it too mean."
 |
| Bureau of Communication |
Say What Needs to Be Said...
*Even I talk too much on occasion. Imagine that? Us, "Know-it-Alls," must teach the masses and collectively entertain. But we often need to differentiate when to shut the hell up and just listen. A good friend is one that will listen and not feel the need to run the show...or so I tell myself!
Sunday, November 3, 2013
“Angel of Marye’s Heights”
If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat; and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. —Proverbs 25:21
Sgt. Richard Kirkland was a Confederate soldier in the US Civil War (1861–1865). When the Union’s failed charge at Marye’s Heights during the Battle of Fredericksburg left wounded soldiers abandoned in no-man’s land, Kirkland got permission to help them. Collecting canteens, he leaped the stone wall and bent over the first soldier to lend assistance. At great personal risk, the “Angel of Marye’s Heights” extended the mercy of Christ to enemy soldiers.
While few of us will face an enemy on the battlefield, those who suffer can be found all around us—people struggling against loneliness, loss, health issues, and sin. Their cries, muted by our many distractions, plead for mercy and comfort, for hope and help.
Kirkland’s example of Christlike compassion put action to Jesus’ command to “love your enemies” (Matt. 5:44). Paul expanded on that theme when he quotes Proverbs 25:21, “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink” (Rom. 12:20). “Do not be overcome by evil,” he instructed us, “but overcome evil with good” (v.21).
Paul’s challenge compels us to emulate Sgt. Kirkland. Today is the day for us to “leap the wall” of safety to lend comfort from God to those in need. —Randy Kilgore
Cat Compilation
If you've got an hour to kill, I can not think of a better way to do it. You'll laugh your ass off! Why can't that happen, literally? I mean even a little bit of butt off the backside, huh???<= "Do I look amused?"
Best Halloween Prank Ever
You might wanna roll up some toilet paper and put it in your underwear for this one. (Maybe it's only me that has to do this?) OMG, I laughed so f'n hard. If this doesn't crack you up, well you're one miserable MF'er??
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Riddle Me This Batman???
If you come across this page, if you're family, friend or foe, do me a favor and briefly answer even one of these. Furthermore, if you've got a question for me, well, I do love to play this game.
I double dare ya. Double dog dare ya!!
- If you could make a 30 second speech to the entire world, what would you say?
- If you were going to die at midnight, what would you be doing at 11:45pm?
- How do you really KNOW anything for sure?
- If you had all the money in the world but still had to have some kind of job, what would you choose to do?
- When you’re 90 years old, what will matter most to you?
- What do you regret most so far in life?
- How can you apply the lesson you learned from that regret to your life TODAY?
- What would you change if you were told with 100% certainty that God does not exist? Or if you don’t believe in God, that he does exist?
- If you lost everything tomorrow, whose arms would you want to run into? Does that person know how much they mean to you?
- Do you fear death? If so, do you have a good reason?
- What would you change if you knew you were NEVER going to die?
- If you were at heaven’s gates, and God asked “you why should I let you in?”, what would you say?
- When will you be good enough for you? Is there some breaking point where you will accept everything about yourself?
- Is the country you live in really the best fit for you?
- What would people say about you at your funeral?
- What small thing could you do to make someone’s day better?
- (If you believe in god) would your relationship with god change it all if you were told with 100% certainty that he was actually a she?
- What do you believe stands between you and complete happiness?
Have some more questions or some even more thought-provoking answers? Please share them below!
Things I Randomly Think Up
"I simply adore long walks on the Beach, especially when they are taken by people who piss me the fuck off ."
Grandma Barb
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